Commentary: It’s Christmastime, and Apple really wants to inspire you to buy its smartphone of the future … with four new ads.
by Chris Matyszczyk- CNET
Technically Incorrect offers a slightly twisted take on the tech that’s taken over our lives.
He/she/it sings too.
Photo by Apple/YouTube screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CNET
Soon, you’ll be sitting round the fire, counting your blessings, surrounded by those you love the most.
You’ll look at your new gifts — perhaps even the iPhone X you bought for yourself — and insist on playing with them.
This may involve you animating yourself in the Messages app as a piece of excreta.
I refer, of course, to the poop emoji and Apple’s stunning technological breakthrough in animating it and allowing you to, well, inhabit its… gosh, this description cannot end well.
A new ad, one of four new spots for the iPhone X, shows how exciting animojis can be. To the tune of Big Boi’s “All Night,” we see a comely woman transform herself into various so-called animojis and singing along.
She’s a singing unicorn, a singing fox, a singing pig and the aforementioned melodious excreta.
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“Don’t be shy, don’t be shy,” sings Big Boi.
She isn’t, not one bit.
It seems Apple views these animojis as a way to differentiate its “future of the smartphone.”
As it does Face ID. Indeed, Cupertino has also released ads to reassure you that Face ID is a way of life, rather than a potential security nightmare.
Not only does it allow you to sing poop music, it also lets you log into apps and pay for things with your face.
And look, it’ll never keep you in the dark. You don’t even have to turn the light on to unlock it, another ad shows.
You just have to remember where you left your phone.
You see, Apple wants to dispel every one of your fears, so that you can have a truly happy holiday.
It wants you to believe that, despite the apparent evidence of a 10-year-old who used his own face to unlock his mom’s iPhone X — this new phone will recognize you no matter how much you try to fool it.
Why, here, in another ad, is a young woman desperately trying to fool the X by pulling all sorts of faces and employing an extremely professional makeup artist and stylist.
Which still leaves open the question of whether this £1,000 phone would recognize her if she dressed her face up to be a poop emoji.